{K.A.}

 I haven’t known her for long. Three months, maybe, and most of it from Tumblr but the first time I met her in person, we got along effortlessly.

 I don’t understand that. Why it is easier to look certain people in the eyes but not others. Why words seem to dry up more quickly with some people but not others. Talking to her, the conversation never really seemed to trickle to a halt. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, and as time passed, I felt more and more comfortable with the silences in between thoughts – some people call it an “awkward silence.” I call it a break for my mind.

 I think conversation with other females has a greater potential to be more intimate and contain a wider range of topics than with males. I am more likely to gush about men I find attractive to other females than to men. This is partially because I am sensitive to the fact that most men I interact with don’t have exalted bodies or faces like the male celebrities that society puts on a ripped, handsome, charismatic pedestal, and it’s demeaning and degrading to be constantly reminded of what you physically lack – especially when society says that that is what makes you desirable. The other reason is because there is really no appropriate response to a comment like that. But I digress.

 As I spoke to K., and to other women in general throughout the week that I was thinking about this assignment, I found not only that I was more comfortable with discussing private things, but also that I tended to smile and laugh more genuinely. I was unguardedly and freely happy. My body language was relaxed. I was less self-conscious of my physical imperfections and whether I wore makeup or not. I was often more generous with my words and opinions (although my opinions are blunt and honest, and that never changes, no matter who I am talking to).

{R.C.}

I have known him for no more than a week. He seems like the kind of guy who gets along with everybody effortlessly, and I appreciate that. I considered myself somewhat of a tomboy when I was younger, mostly because I wasn’t interested in princesses and unicorns and the color pink, and guys were more fun to hang out with anyway. But as I grew up and puberty (plus a little naivety) did traumatizing things to me, I became more introverted and more guarded around men. R. seems to be an exception. I have no problems with eye contact though I kept it on the minimal side, conversation flowed easily, and I warmed up to him quickly. Sometimes I find it difficult to initiate conversations or offhanded comments to men, but it wasn’t the case with him. Strangely enough (or not?) I am more comfortable with men initiating the topic of conversation and continuing that strand.

I often have difficulty with eye contact. If I want an easy way out in terms of explanation I blame it on being an INFJ. But a person’s eyes reveals a lot about them, and sometimes I simply find it disconcerting or disturbing. There are kind eyes, which I find the easiest to maintain direct and unwavering eye contact with. I don’t see many of those. And I find myself lowering my eyes as I walk through campus or sit on the bus, especially around men. I don’t think this is indicative of a subservience mentality at all, but merely that I am more guarded around them than around women. I slam the shutters around my heart quickly. Is there a why? I don’t know. Maybe it just is. Maybe I’d just rather not be like an open book until I meet a man who is willing to read to the end. It is an interesting mixture of both cultural norms and my personal experiences and personality.

I am many different types of myself when I am out in public, when I am class, when I am interacting with close friends, when I am interacting with acquaintances, when I am alone. I’ve always liked myself most when I am alone, to be honest. People are exhausting. And so are conversations.